Brilliant sunshine and soft underfoot. Bacon salty and moist; tea piping hot – camaraderie and fond bon ami. A tad lost on the coaches as sympathies almost, but not quite, extend to the sick bay. Robbie in attendance but broken; hips put on the line once too often. Xavier likewise with a shoulder issue, we’ll miss his ring-craft today. Two more missing in action, Cadet ‘they-call-me-Dave’ and Cadet ‘strictly-come-Cameron’ apparently doing us proud at the Fusilier in Sydenham.

Warm-up starts in earnest. Stratford always a strong and well drilled outfit and a solid test for our young lions. Bard is back to his roots and joined by an itinerant young All Black for expert antipodean insights. Warm-up still not scaring the opposition. Line-out drills not going to plan and without any opposition – you can never find a 6’5” geezer in a frock when you need one. The touch-line Sages now amusing themselves with Robocop impressions. Scary focused and subdued like a caged badger pacing up and down. Tanky sporting his Leam shirt – strangely understated takes the huddle. Well, I assume that he’s in there somewhere – it’s hard to see him amongst his rather larger charges – bravo Mr Pepperpot.

Let the game begin.

False start from Stratford and Ref pulls them back – Leam now start with intent and deploy their forward power. First scrum and Stratford boss it: that wasn’t supposed to happen. Stratford pressure forcing mistakes and taking territory. Lineout just inside the Leam 22. Second row suspended in aspic as the ball eventually arrives (Tanky having a technical argument with himself and in no way disagreeing with Sir): maul; drive; try. It really does look easy – nice try.

5 v 0

Restart and a scrum. Leam now holding steady and strong – no retreat, but no gain. A nice platform for the player formally known as Greco to unleash a storming run. Powering through the opposition with the try line beckoning just a little matter of a kamikaze fullback, without due care for his own well being. Crash – they come together as the player formally known as Greco takes route one and is shown the touchline exit. Good defending. The game settling into a real tussle, good work from both teams as defensive lines are probed. Leam on the back foot and kick clear – pressure off for nearly a nanosecond. The Stratford winger replies with speed, hand-offs and broken tackles. Leam punished with a try.

12 v 0

More pressure on the Leam 22 and another try. Strong running from close range – tackles need to stick at this level or points will follow.

19 v 0

The player formally known as Greco having an exchange of views with Sir. Apparently, the potpourri in the green room wasn’t rosewood – we all have our dodgy-diva moments. Restart and Stratford with a strong run down their right flank and a head of steam built up – it’s hard to tackle a steam train. Try Stratford.

24 v 0

A bad day at the office unfolding. More pressure from Stratford and Leam having to learn on the hoof. Good phases from Stratford as they probe and change the focus of their attack. Inevitable try follows.

31 v 0

Touchline Sage now asking if we have any Rambo Pills? Restart and Leam finally getting on the front foot and putting the home side under pressure. A rare foray into the home 22 and Leam playing with intent. Stratford making mistakes under pressure and Leam force a dangerous lineout. Catch, maul, drive – text book – but Stratford showing a stubbornness in defence. Assault on the try line comes to nought. The refs whistle sounds to call a close to the first half. Some rather tough lessons learnt in the first period. Team talk and Tanky has some magic to weave if Leam are to retrieve the situation. In fairness to Leam the scoreboard doesn’t reflect the graft and guile shown. Tanky plumping for a more patient approach and not to be rushed. Junior All Black with a steely eye but unable to utter words of wisdom – shell-shocked, perhaps.

The second half is underway but a clever chip into space and speed wins the day – Stratford speed, that is. Clever try, well worked.

36 v 0

Leam are back at it – spirited and taking the game to the opposition, still happy to get onto the front foot. Ginja bursting through using some finely-honed basketball skills – but Sir doesn’t like basketball tricks. But Leam still taking the game forward and asking questions of the home defence: they seem to have the answers. Tom Yates doing something back-ish and worthy of note – not sure what exactly but Tanky is impressed. Stratford now back in the ascendancy and pushing towards the Leam line. An overlap emerges but a last ditch try saving tackle by Dodgy-Diva can only but delay the inevitable try.

41 v 0

Restart, and another cheeky chip into space by the home side. A foot race and we know the winner and the outcome – try Stratford.

48 v 0

Restart and what can Leam do? Last try wins? That old chestnut – it’s worth a go. Undaunted and back into the fray with gusto - Leam never knowingly beaten and displaying great spirit. Leam pressure and the home defence happy to hack the ball out of play. Leam still mounting attacks and pushing for points – a blank score line doesn’t do them justice. The pressure fades. Stratford now back on the front foot. Good shape and probing the Leam line. Pressure mounting and pressure makes points. Try Stratford.

53 v 0

Last action of the game. Leam unbowed but no cigar. A hard day at the office with lots of learning for Leam. Sticking to the task well - but an uphill task all the way. Post-match debrief: more teamwork required. Bright individual performances but need to join up and work as a team.
Against a team with no discernible weaknesses, and plenty of talent on show, it was always going to be a tough test for our young-guns: Tanky is chipper and the boys not despondent (well there was hot-dogs on offer).

Post-match interviews:

Dodgy-Diva, stressed out by too many numbers to cope with. [Potpourri must have come right]

Mad-Franky, ever so slightly dismissive of the forwards and their rucking. Although, he was sporting a repetitive-pen-use injury that could seriously undermine his credibility.

Killer mentioned in dispatches for his go-forward rugby. Playing off the front foot and taking the game to the opposition.

Skippy Beezo, [They were] a good side [and we] couldn’t deal. [We] gave 100% and on another day… [Opposition] decision making was good [so we need to learn from them and start making good decisions in pressure situations. When defending our 22 and breaking a resilient defence down in theirs. A double-loop learning approach as expounded by Argyris would suffice].

Jake-on-the-box – get to bed earlier.

Tanky now glazing over as he extols the virtue of Guinness. Lots to ponder…

Bacon Bard.